New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
