I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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