the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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