Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
