She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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