when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
