I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
