I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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