i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
