the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
