Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
