I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
