New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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