he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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