I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
