Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
