I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
