dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
