she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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