This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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