Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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