Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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