my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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