i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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