I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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