She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can vaginas get frostbite?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
