im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
