brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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