Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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