I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
