2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
