So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
