Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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