Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
