so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am naked and annoyed.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
