Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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