I cannot find my penis.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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