So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
