My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
