the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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