I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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