I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
