thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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