I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
