new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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