Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
