he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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