Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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