Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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