Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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