just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
